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Signs







About 12:30 am tonight. Monday night/Tuesday morning.
On the way home from work.
A moment of doubt, previously. . . conquered? Released, somewhat.
But now taken up. Exploring, and -
A spark!
Flare, fire, smoke.
Alarm.
Arm raised, face protected; instinct speaking up.
Disppearance, or dissipation.
Confusion.
Thinking of my thoughts just moments before.
A sign?
A sign.
Okay.



Letting go.

Going after my baby

Dream morning of Thursday October 29, 2009

Another dream with Elizabeth in it.

. . . We were at this house for an event or party. Suddenly I couldn't find Elizabeth anywhere, and I was worried. I came out of the house, started climbing up the rockface the house was built on/into. This place had occured in a past dream, I'm sure of it. I knew I had a dangerous trek ahead of me, and I was willing to do it to find her. I knew there was a rapids and a waterfall amid some nasty rocks. As I headed up, though, someone called out to me, pointing out another way. I debated for a while, standing there. I really wanted to find her, of course, and I recognized the chivalrous glory in braving the rocks, but I knew there was no sense in risking my life when she probably didn't go that way. I got off that path.

Eventually I found her, with my family. Strangely, though, she didn't say anything to me. We headed out, going somewhere into the house, and I asked if she was okay, pointing out that I had been frantically worried, and that she hadn't said anything to acknowledge that we'd been separated for a while. Whereas my family had greeted me, she'd said nothing to me, as if I wasn't there. She seemed surprised that it'd happened, and I think she apologized. I was baffled, and unsure what to do. We went inside.

REALITY CHECK:

I'm very pleased with my sentiment in the dream, but of course, not with the outcome. We'd had a fight in real life the night before, which is probably the explanation behind it. My family was there, mother included, in an outing with my girlfriend! This is higly unusual, as contact between her and my family has been very minimal. She's the first girl I've ever "brought home" and hasn't spent any real time there. My mother likes her, though, surprising as that is, as she doesn't trust anyone she doesn't know. So I'm surprised at this family outing in the dream, but pleased at that too. She'll finally be spending a good week here soon, and all those factors must have put this dream together.

Dreams August 2009

Friday morning, 8/14/2009: Placeholder
Long since forgotten it. I'll update this section later if it comes back to me
Rudy. . .



August 7th or 11th
Lori. . .
Mr. Moseby

Asian Invasion

Dream from 6/13/2009, just putting it on here now -

10:50 AM 6/13/2009
War/battle preperations - detailed plans
time lapse - found myself outside, halfway somewhere
decided to lease/pick up car. saw battle goign on, didn'tremember if I was supposed to go with them or meet them there. hmm. better meet, then.

thin ship

Hotel:
Was in a hotel, doing what, I can't say. Heard my phone ringing from afar and realized that I had left my luggage down on another floor. Got into the elevator; an older Asian woman was already in there. She asked me something unintelligible as we approached her stop. Sounded something like Japanese. I stuttered for a moment, trying to remember my Japanese negation, and at last came out with "wakaranai" - "I don't understand", realizing`as I said it that I should have said "wakarimasen" to be more polite. Curses! I thought to myself as she stepped out. I was upset at my total blanking out there, but I knew it was a warranted blankage, as I recalled that Japanese, unlike European languages, probably unlike most of the world's languages, doesn't have a separate word like "not" to negate; instead they conjugate morphologically the verb itself for negation. And their adjectives too, suggesting to some linguists t`at the language doesn't truly have adjectives as we Indo-European speakers define them, but rather a very special class of verbs. Something similar could be said for Haitian adjectives.

Yes, I was thinking all of this while standing in the elevator after she left.


Time lapse?
We were in a car/caravan, dropping off this girl, also Asian. This one was probably my age, and stranger. She said something to me. I don't remember now if it was intelligible or not, but I'm pretty sure it was in English. Then she got off and was saying something to someone else in Haitian Creole. I was shocked to hear it and jumped out of my seat, sticking had out of window to ask "Ou Ayisyen?" The front passenger - Naomi? - confirmed it.

She said that the`girl wasn't actually Asian, that she'd gotten surgery to change her eyes. I misunderstood, thinking the other way, where Asians have their eyes "rounded" to look more Caucasian. "Oh, that's no good," I responded. There are of course the occasional Africans/Europeans who just happen to have the stereotypical Asian eyes. I brought up Erica, a Haitian girl from our church who did - maybe this girl was similar.

We continued on our way, apparently coming back from some park or fair. The others in the vehicle were the Esperant family.


REALITY CHECK

The Esperants are a real family that we've traveled with, to Disney or to an occasional park.


I realize now, seeing two Asians in one dream, that my dreams are usually devoid of 'em. Could it be due to the recent girlfriend, half Asian herself? I bring that up as a possible stimulus for the dream, but I doubt it, as neither dream girl matched Elizabeth's ethnicity, not was I in love with either dream girl.
It wasn't important or brought up in the dream, but thinking back, the Asian girl's features suggested she was Korean.

I shouldn't have been so surprised; I do know a few Asian and part-Asian Haitians in real life.

Eyelid surgery is called blepharoplasty.

E-dump

*sigh* And then it was her turn to hurt me.

Won't go into details, it's been a few weeks anyway. Both I and her best friend stopped talking to her for some time, both of us pissed and unsure what to do with our respective significant others, where the trespass had taken place. We've reconciled but her friend and her boyfriend didn't, sadly. I won't go into detail; it's been a few weeks anyway, and it's not the best way to introduce her to this journal when she's got so many other wonderful qualities.

The hurt is gone now, but there's a twinge of something still remaining, unsure what to call it. Gives me a momentary heart attack, so to speak, whenever it sounds like she's got bad news, even in the middle of a wonderful conversation. That'll take time to go away.

---------------------------

Sunday the 5th was not a good day. Or maybe it had started out well, but I don't remember that part. During the dinner shift the radio came on with "No One" by Alicia Keys.

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you


That one hit me hard, crashed any good mood I may have been in. My emotions are eased/intensified/buffered/calmed/moved/etc. by music. I'd already forgiven her by this point, but I knew there was some pain still remaining. I forgave her because I knew the pain now would pale in comparison to how happy we could be in the future. The song pulled on the pain, however, and casted the rest of the night into a somber tone. We send all sorts of music to each other, and I realized listening to this that I really want her to send this one, to promise to me that no one would get in between us.

I know some people search the world
To find something like what we have
I know people will try try to divide something so real
So till the end of time I'm telling you there ain't no one


That was a bad day.
---------------------------
And then she sent me letter. Got it the very next day, the 6th. We're only 5 hours apart now, as opposed to at least 4 times as much, but she sent a letter.

I had to have everything just right to read it. Where should I read it? Is it good news? Bad news? Eventually decided on the Minnesota building, which I had conveniently just discovered the day before, which is right on the water, and I sat on the beach. Corny, I know. Get used to it, cause our whole story's just dripping with sappiness.

The wind tried to pull the papers out of my fingers, and I may have actually slipped aloud an "Accursed wind!" It was cold but I barely noticed as I read it. Mood soared. I laughed aloud, no care for the people around. She included a quote:
"In true love the smallest distance is too great, and the greatest distance can be bridged.”
-- Hans Nouwens
And how.

That day I also got details on potential job here for the coming school year, and got some info about a writer's camp for my sister.

That was a good day.
---------------------------
And then, the next day, she surprised me with a visit. A cleverly disguised hint sent in a text message early in the day, and one later that made it obvious, received only minutes before I saw her. Entered the room to find her laying on my bed.

That was a good day.
---------------------------
I rearranged my schedule so that I could make it Chicago for a day, cause she told me that Funkadesi(.com) was gonna be there, with some bhangra dance to be had. I could NOT let this pass me by, so I worked some schedule magic and we went. It was wonderful, my first time in Chicago. Met her brothers, spent the night, and came back.

Elizabeth took to bhangra like her body was meant to do it. I was, of course, profoundly happy, and proud. We were, as usual, the center of plenty other's attention. I was helping others out, sometimes on purpose, sometimes just by being in front of them where they could see how we were moving.

Funny enough, they played that very song. I grabbed her and danced, singing it to her. I was full of all sorts of different emotions. But the strongest of them was happiness. Ironic and surprising, that they played that song. And yet, utterly unsurprising, cause these "coincidences" insist on surrounding us. It is truly ridiculous. But more on that another time.

And that too, was a good day.

---------------------------

EDIT 10/30: One mo' gin
A way late edit, but it should go here nonetheless.

It was 2 weeks later. I was feeling better. This time it was I who took a trip to surprise her, a surprise set in motion months before. I hadn't been sure I would still do it, but in the end I did. I got there, the surprise went off well. We were going to spend the night at her friend's place, who by now had forgiven her as well.

We got there and I met the guy, the other guilty party from the aforementioned infidelity.

I thought I was cool, more or less, but now when it was in my face, I wasn't feeling so cool. I sure played it cool, but I really wasn't sure how to act. Should I say something? Shouldn't he? How are we supposed to greet each other? My head was all a-jumble and I started seeing them - did it happen here in the living room? Or out on the balcony maybe?

He left, and the three of us were preparing to go out, and while sitting there, she tried to kiss me a couple times and I dodged, trying to settle what was happening in my mind. When she wanted to hold my hand I got up and walked around. Didn't seem strange, as if I was merely exploring their place. I wasn't gonna bring it up, wasn't gonna leave or something. But I suddenly wasn't comfortable being there, and wasn't sure how staying the night there would play out.

Then we were on our way. I was pretty quiet at that point, withdrawn a bit. I wasn't - and rarely am - fully speechless, though, so it didn't show. I realized later that I would have been within my right to request an apology from him too. He knew who I was now. Ke knew about me before, and that hadn't stopped him; he hadn't respected that, so it was in order. By the time that came to mind, though, it seemed too late. I didn't want to be the one holding on to this when everyone else seemed to have already forgotten about it. Seemed I was the only one who could see this elephant.

And that's annoying, not just in this situation but in general. I have slow emotional transitions - I'm not easily angered, or annoyed, and even when I am, I have a patience I'm not sure I've seen in anyone else, and a quiet but stubborn willpower that's "strong like bull." Many females and some males, in comparison, seem fickle and flighty to me. The upside is that I can tolerate the most annoying people and not lose my cool in many a difficult situation. The downside is that I have a long memory - when something truly does bother me, I stay bothered for a while. So it takes a while for painful things to go away.

But then - what a world. We were on our way to karaoke, with a live band instead of CD's, which was pretty cool. Before we even got there, a friend of Elizabeth's friend had already arranged the first song she'd sing at karaoke.

It was the same song.

Wow.

A third time?! That's no coincidence. And this time the turnover was damn fast; I had been in this . . . funk(?) for less than an hour. And again, the P-T-B seemed to be trying to reassure me. Again, of all the songs in the world, in just a few hours to play 'em, this was the one chosen. Ree-diculous.

Fine! I shouted to the universe. Not out loud, but mentally. And I chuckled. Fine! I get it! I'll let it go. It's her, she's the one.

She caught my laughter and asked me what was up. I didn't tell her quite; only that I was having one of those moments. She knew what I meant, cause we have 'em all the time, the 'signs' that surround us, that say we're meant to be together.

We got back. Apprehension was still there, but now I could handle it. Takes time, but I'm resilient; I do recover. My healing may be slow, but it's sincere, and hopefully will be complete. I finally kissed her, in the room.

And that was, for the most part, a good day.

I didn't then, but next time I see him, I'll get that apology. I'm owed it.
It finally happened!

Well, seeing as how I tend not to remember my dreams, surely it's happened; only now I remember when it has.

That is, specifically, that my sweetie has a starring role in a dream of mine. I've starred in her dreams already. Previously, she'd been IMPLIED in mine, but hadn't been explicitly there until now.

DREAM Thursday night(6/11/2009)/Friday morning:

We were in a bus, a large group of us on some kind of road trip. The road trip was coming to an end and people were being dropped off. We were in or near Chicago, looking for the home of two people on the bus. I needed to be dropped off in Chicago, too, but didn't know where to find Elizabeth. She didn't know we were coming, so I didn't have directions.

We were getting closer so I began hurredly searching through my phone (different from my real-life one) for her address or her number to call her.

Eventually, I made the guess that she'd be at the Shiz (or the Shizzle? my brain made it up) some hip place my people go to. Nobody else had any ideas, so the bus stopped there. I got down, having just found her number on my phone. I started ringing it as I walked in, but knew it'd be pointless, and closed it a moment later when I saw her sitting on the wooden floor in front of a jukebox. Excited, I ran over to her, just barely containing my excitement, just barely restraining my speed so as to sneak up on her. I jumped in front of her.

She smiled, taking the surprise in stride. "What are you doing here?" I began to cover her in kisses. It felt ever so good to see her again.

At this point I woke up, but not a sudden dream-jarring awkening. It was a very smooth transition into wakefulness, in that the dream was just picked up by my conscient imagination.


REALITY CHECK
I'll soon be in Michigan, merely 6 google-map hours from my girlfriend, who'll be in Chicago. Clearly the motivation for this dream, as I've never dreamt of Chicago before. I do have roadtrip dreams; that aspect's not new.

It's a long-distance relationship, so we don't see each other too often. That was carried over into the dream, hence my excitement to see her. Soon I will see her; she's flying down here and I'll be pretty darn excited to see her.

I've several times had this dreams-bleeding-into-reality thing where I've technically woken up, but continue the dream uninterrupted on my own power without fully acknowledging/realizing that I'm no longer beholden to it. I don't know how often this happens to others. Going the other way, from full consciousness to (lucid) dream'll be much more difficult.

Tags:

Damn it.

I hurt her. Made her feel like she was on the stand.

Brows are furrowed in self-directed anger, having trouble relaxing them. Muscles around my nose all tense, headache developing.

I'm continually surprised by how just much my emotions fly in relation to this girl. Knowing that I'm the source of her pain is making me feel real lousy. Makes me feel like an ass.

Must check my past behavior; have I done this to others? This will/must change; her happiness is what I want.

I'm sorry, love.

Dream Saturday, June 6, 2009

I need to get back into recording my dreams. It's been a while since I have, and I want to keep track, in order to be able to look 'em up later and confirm any prophetic ones. Also, with new girl in my life, I want to see when she appears in 'em.

Bits and pieces left from Saturday night:
For some reson I was being chased by Al Pacino, trying to kill me for some reason. His name or fame wasn't important here, but it was definitely his face.
. . .
Went somewhere, don't remember where. Came back to my place, an apartment or townhouse complex, to hide from Pacino, and to put an end to this once and for all. I forget the logic used in the dream, but my dying was for the better, the greater good, as long as it wasn't by his hand. I got back and realized noone was there - I hadn't thought to bring someone along, so I'd have to kill myself. Which I was just about willing to do, then I realized that it might be an unforgivable sin. So I needed to find someone to do it for me, and I wasn't sure who'd be willing.

So I stepped back out, heading around behind the place. Ran into Chris/Bernardo, who was coming to my place looking for Yessenia/Consuelo - maybe we were roomates in the dream. I told him she was nowhere to be found.

There was more, but I've forgotten by now.

REALITY CHECK:
Potential spark for the dream - A friend of my brother's, Ashley recently mentioned that she'd never seen Scarface, which is probably why it was Pacino's face here. I mentioned that I"ve got a Scarface sweater, but I'd never seen the movie.

Chris was Bernardo in the recent production of West Side Story I was in. Yessenia, his girlfriend, was an ensemble Shark. They were the subject of our(the cast's) teasing, as they'd been hanging out all the time. They eventually made it official and the response from everyone was basically "DUH!" No surprise.

Let the Rain Fall Down

Got home, past midnight. Sat in car for a moment, trying not to think. Ha. When has that ever worked for me?

Stepped out of vehicle, walked to door. Stopped for a moment and breathed in some refreshing, cool night air. I looked up, knowing there would be no moon, but still disappointed to find none there. Felt two drops of moisture, one on forehead and one on face. Would it rain?

Earlier, while driving, I had willed it to stop raining when drops had threatened the windshield pane. It literally stopped at my command. So I thought this time, why the hell not? Changed into something I wouldn't mind getting wet, stepped back outside and willed it to rain.

Didn't work this time. I can apparently stop the rain, but I can't generate it.

Here in May I'm contemplating April showers.
Not the kind that grows flowers,
But that pains and hearts it sours

-- Catch ya on the flip side,
It's a rough tide but I can ride, since need be.
I can stand the rain, but can she?

Sigh.

Tags:

Love on the Dance Floor

Went swing dancing for the first time in maybe a year and a half! And *sigh* it really hit the spot. In a big way. Something happened to me that night, and I don’t think I’ll ever be quite the same.

It’s been a busy weekend. I’ve gone dancing 5 times in the last 4 days. A jazz/hip-hop class on Friday. Then, Saturday morning Jeanine called me. Of course, I went to bed at an ungodly time so I was asleep. Eventually woke up and called back, when she told me about International folk dancing. Someone else had mentioned it to me but I hadn’t yet a chance to go. By the time I spoke to her it was soon to start, so after waiting to get use of the car and grabbing a quick non-breakfast of two waffles, I was off. Got there to find a bunch of old white folks. No surprise, really; I’m used to being the youngest, and the minorit-est; these were simply, on average, older than usual. A visible minority is usually aware, sometimes painfully aware, that they are out-numbered, but I got over any apprehension within minutes after seeing nothing but smiles. Jeanine commented on my lavender hat.

Had fun, doing dances, some circle, some line. To my surprise they had one in English, hip-hop at that – that ‘don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me’ song. As for international, there was Greek, Romanian, Turkish, and of course Israeli. For those Jeanine and I were the more knowledgeable so we danced in an inner circle where we could direct the others. I got compliments from several, which by now was also no surprise. I was only surprised at how quickly those compliments came, after a single song, maybe two, the old folks were saying how enjoyable I was to watch, and asking me if I’d already done this before. Jeanine smiled and told them that I’m a quick study. As the one who got me to go, I’d almost say her smile was one of pride, showing off her personal find to the crowd. I’ll elaborate on that in a later post. Long story short, we had some awesome carrot cake, then when it was over I showed Jeanine how to text on her cell phone. This was regarding her ‘indeterminate age.’ I’d joked that she’s showing her age by not knowing how to text. She’s somewhere in her early 50’s, I think, but she refuses to admit it, nor does she look it. As we were leaving she told me about a swing dancing event. Now, just days previous I’d been thinking how much I missed swing, not having done it in a year and a half maybe. Plus it was a chance to dance more with her. And then she told me it was from 8-1am! I said yes IMMEDIATELY.

* * *

Got there around 8.5, an American Legion post, whatever that is. Jeanine called as I parked, saying she’d arrive later. Didn’t matter – the 1st hour was a lesson, and I knew she knew the basics at least. I stepped into a small class, surprised to see the sexes more or less even. In most dancing circles, that’s actually an overage of men. And the lesson really was basic, basic East Coast swing. Though it’s been over a year, it was stuff I still remembered. I was patient, though, and participated. Never hurts to practice. The guy leading, Izzy, had the women rotating around a circle of men, so it turned out to be a good way to meet and greet as well. I met a Frenchie who was married to an American, her first time swing dancing. Met one girl who was almost impatient, also didn’t need the lesson, just wanted to get to the dancin’ but was being nice and helping out the beginners. Met a guy who was a beginner, showed him how to do a turn he was having trouble with. I saw two contra dancers and caught up, as I hadn’t been to contra in a few months. Then I met my special lady.

Susan was her name, swing dancing her game. Both by speech and by motion, I found she already knew what she was doing as well, and right off the bat we were taking Izzy’s directions a step beyond the others, more of whom were beginners. It was for only a moment, though. The lesson was over. Went to pay, got some info about SoFlex, a huge yearly event for swing dancers. The money lady told me that this may be their last year. The swingers at UF go every year and I’d either been too busy or too poor, or not yet hooked on swing dancing for it to appeal. I never even noticed that it was right here, that SoFlex actually stands for South Florida Lindy Exchange. I’ve definitely gotta go this time around.

Lights were dropped, and the music began. I complimented a guy who was also wearing a hat. The dancing got underway! There was probably a collective apprehension in the air this time, first dance of the night, multiple beginners, strangers, etc. Didn’t last, as more people entered and things really got going. I felt the collective nervousness, I think, but personally, I was less apprehensive, actually, then earlier. Once again the only visible minority, which could have been nerve-wracking, but surprisingly, that didn’t even register. The other factors must have been far more important: I was no longer decades-younger than the next-youngest person. And no longer trying a new style, but one that was simply rusty. I must have been at relative ease.

I think my first few dances were with the contra dancers and the French lady. Eventually I danced with Susan, don’t remember if she asked me or vice-versa, but it’s encouraged to ‘swing’ both ways, pun intended :).

I didn’t realize she was special at first. She had only been another dancer on the floor until we danced together. And kept dancing together. And kept dancing together. Her and Jeanine, when eventually she arrived, were the only ones with who I danced strings of several songs in a row.

Susan and I, as it turned out, had some kind of crazy chemistry, bringing out the worst in each other. And by the worst, I mean the best. I swung like never I’d swung before. And she swung right along with me, moving and flowing, coming and going. It literally kept getting better and better as the night wore on. Later I was sneaking in bits of meringue into our dancing, and she went right along with it. I threw in a dash of hip-hop, which might itself have had a pinch of bhangra in it, and she went right along with it.

The compliments started flying from those watching on the sides. Women I approached didn’t just respond, they presponded, standing up before I even got there. This one really tall girl seemed to be eyeing me most of the night with a smile that took up half her face. People were asking how long I’d been doing this. They didn't expect me to say it’d been a year and a half since last I swung. And even when I had been swinging before, it was pretty erratic.

We made a birthday circle at one point for this woman turning 30. Turns out it wasn’t just a quirky custom at UF, but wherever people swing. She stood in the middle for a song and people just entered at will, taking turns, each guy literally ‘taking’ her from the last dancer, so that by the end of the song she’s probably danced with them all. At UF I’d seen even girls go in to dance with a girl, or a guy go in to dance with another guy in utter silliness, but no females did this time. When eventually I manned up and stepped in, no one interrupted us for a relatively long while. I even devoted a glance here and there to make sure I wasn’t not-noticing someone’s approach. No one? Alright, let’s just keep going! I think we had the longest portion of the song in the middle there, time to go from lindy to east coast and some random stuff too. This was in part what caused me to realize that something had changed in me. The circle broke, and later the birthday girl complimented me as well. Even Jeanine, with whom I’ve been dancing for several months now, with whom I’m usually the center of attention, commented on it.

My dancing with Jeanine had upped a level as well. We’ve had great dance chemistry from the start when it came to Israeli, and probably for contra as well. However, something didn’t entirely click in swing; our rhythms seemed to be slightly off of each other. You wouldn’t have been able to tell, though, cause we did some new stuff together too, I still had a blast. Surprised her as well, lifting her clean off the floor once. While dancing with Jeanine, I saw Tina enter. This girl I hadn’t seen in at least 2 years, her and her twin sister part of what had gotten me into swing in the first place. We were shocked, but happy to see each other. A make contra dancer showed up later, as well as another semi-familiar face from Gainesville, this guy Amos.

Something had “clicked.” Something I’d been holding back Eventually Susan and I were doing all sorts of crazy dips, trying out new things on the spot, much of which worked. We play acted, running, chasing each other, using the whole dance floor as our playground. For one dance, spur of the moment, I decided to be drunk. Ever seen that Drunken Master movie with Jackie Chan? Yep. We staggered and spun, stumbled and rolled, all to the music. Or sometimes forgetting the music, focused only each other. I’m a very coordinated guy, can usually carry on a conversation while dancing, but for once all my attention was on her, on us and our motion. Between songs, though, we spoke: “Thank you, that was so much fun! . . . Well you made it easy, sure helps to have such a great partner. . . . Oh you’re so strong! . . . It was my pleasure,” etc.

Was it my long-awaited return to swing? Was it the familiar faces? The relative youth of this crowd compared to the old(er) folks I was used to dancing with? First time swinging since my last girlfriend, who I met at swing, thereby realeasing some sort of 'dance baggage'? Was it Susan? I know I’ve held back before, not doubting my ability per se, but taking it slow, I suppose. Whatever it was, I lost awareness of myself, became all legs and music, arms and dance floor. I forgot for a time where I ended and she began, where she walked and I ran.

We couldn’t stay away from each other for more than a few songs, always coming back to each other. One song was particularly old, 50’s-ish, and Susan remarked that back then we wouldn’t have been allowed to dance with each other (she’s white). I replied that I was glad that we were in the here and now instead. We went the distance, from dancing with an entire couple between us, to hand-holding distance, to close position. VERY close, as in, all up on each other. No awkwardness, no apprehension, smiling all the while. I didn’t know this lady from Eve, and yet, it was as if we’d known each other all our lives. There were some strong forces at work here. Then I surprised myself, lifting her and actually doing some of the stuff you see in swing performance videos, swinging her around my hips, an upside-down dip, even a weird one where I spun her behind me, then bent over, letting her just collapse on top of me, her legs off the floor. It wasn’t planned or choreographed. It just happened, and it just made sense. She even dipped me once. “Brings new meaning to swing,” said Jeanine, amused at our antics.

I was falling under her spell, and she under mine. I’m reminded of that Chris Brown song Forever – “It’s like I waited my whole life for this one night/It's gon' be me, you, and the dance floor."

Jeanine left, plenty of work to do. She offered a trip to this Greek place nearby, where they apparently felt it normal to serve both donuts and soup. I would normally jump at the chance, but I couldn’t leave my new other half. Met this guy, we spoke about Yiddish and the history of Haitian Creole. Oh yeah, and he was wearing a Hello Kitty belt. That’s right. And a motorcycle helmet. Awesome. I stayed and danced most of the night away with Susan, until it was eventually her time to go as well, back to Atlanta, Georgia, from whence she came, saying that she probably wouldn’t be around for the next dance next month. We said our sad goodbyes, she gave me a kiss, and she was gone.

Thing that kinda scares/surprises/fascinates me is, I still remember her face, and her hair color. Usually, I can’t even describe good friends accurately; I don’t remember people’s hair and eye colors. Of you guys reading this, those friends from real life, only msmiriam03 do I think I could describe accurately.

I remember when first starting out in swing, looking in awe at the more experienced and wondering how they did it. I realized afterward with a start on this night, I was one of them. I’ve been away from swing dancing for too long. I’ll be back.